Lately, remaining present and fully engaged in my life has become more work, requiring more from me each day that we got closer to our move. Much of my mental focus has turned inward, yet I am deeply aware of the myriad of details that make up our life here, and I'm appreciating each one. Each week I feel a shift, now it is 6 weeks to go, next it will be 5, and with each week that passes there is a lightness and also a shift in my inner intensity. As if a switch is being turned to crank everything up inside, my mind runs, if I don't remain focused then I even have trouble sleeping, thinking about everything that must be done!
I'm focusing on self care more, I know that I have to right now, I've been exercising almost daily on this (I really think that everyone needs one, it is sooo fun!!), it really blows off the stress. I am also trying to eat as many veggies as I can, and I'm about to buy a juicer, I'd love any mentions of your favorite kinds of juicers in the comments! Its a big decision!
My daily prayers are like a mantra now, that the highest truth and compassion would work through me, often now what I need is compassion for myself more than anything, patience and a realistic idea of what I can get done in one day!
Frank and I are getting ready for our goodbye party/art show extravaganza on May 7th, and we are trying to fit in dinners with old friends at every chance that we get.
Courage is my operative word these days, I'm sure that is where my latest painting is coming from. Courage and faith propel me forward, we are walking the right path, I know that our move will be wonderful for us, but in this in-between-time, this getting-ready-and-preparing-time, it feels like I could loose my way at any moment if I don't hold fast to our vision.
Long held ideas of myself are being tested and opened up...
"Endings are so hard for me."
"Saying goodbye is so hard for me."
These are two inner dialogues that I have had for much of my life, and they have shaped how I am as a person, but now I feel suddenly able to take a step back, to question. Does it really have to be this way?
Can it be sad but also joyful?
Can I deeply feel and grieve the ending, while also fully experiencing my joy at the life that we are about to begin?
Living in that duality is what I am trying to do, I have to imagine that it can be done and that nothing is ever wasted.
I might be popping in here more with photos than with too many words over these next weeks, I am letting myself post as I feel led. I long to share more of myself here, but at the same time I feel that simply posting photos or a painting without too many words, sometimes is the best way to share for me right now in the midst of living!